Kuppamma cribs

The family meets these days around the dining table. Surprised? I am sure you are. No we are not the ‘old fashioned’ family where dinner is served at 8.30 PM and every member assembles five minutes before time to receive the patriarch and be served by the ‘bahus’.  We are a ‘modern’ nuclear family with progressive ideas who dine buffet style with plate in hand and sitting wherever we can. The dining table is for work and recreation. I have arranged for a moveable multi rack for plugging in the five laptops (one couple, one resident girl and one girl and/or SIL whenever visiting). The house is on wifi. So it was that last Sunday, back from Golf at about 11.30 AM, I was at the dining table checking mail from. Kuppamma (the maid who belongs to Tamil Nadu but resides in Karnataka to make a living) was in conversation with the wife in the kitchen adjoining the dining area and within earshot of even whispers from there.

Kuppamma’s husband, Jaipal, is a tailor and a good one too. He specializes in ladies dresses and has even stitched the uniforms of lady employees of my company. He earns somewhere between ` 400 to 500 a day from his tailoring activities. He spends most of his earnings entertaining friends and generally having a good time. All that he gives to the household is the monthly rent of their house which is ` 1500 per month. Needless to say he has many friends and hence spends very little time with his family. Now Kuppamma is in possession of a BPL ration card. Jaipal is too proud to visit the ration shop with a BPL card. The ration shop tender shoos away Kuppamma whenever she goes to the shop to collect her rations. Kuppamma was asking my wife to tell me to intervene through the local Corporator and ensure she gets her entitlement of ration through PDS.

Grandma was having her pre noon nap.

The Wife (W):  I will tell him to speak to the corporator…but I can not assure you he will do so and instead he may speak to the PDC shopkeeper directly.

Kuppamma (K):  No amma. Then the fellow at the shop will harass me to no end and even complain to my husband who will beat me.

W:  Do not worry Kuppamma; in about a week’s time the Government will pass the food security bill championed by Sonia Gandhi and drafted by NAC.

K :   What is that again? ..…I do not understand a word you speak.

W:    You know our Government in the centre in Delhi…no?

K:    Yes amma where Raja and Kanimozhi became champions of the DMK and the people of TN by staying in jail unnecessarily put there by Chidambaram.

W:  (conceding) yes! Yes! The same government; they will bring in a law by which every person BPL will get 7Kg of rice at Rs 3 per kg per month. It is a big national news especially in UP.

K:   But amma, our Amma (Jayalalitha) is already giving 30 Kgs of rice at Re 1 per kg in Tamil Nadu. She also gave TVs, washing machines, cycles and mixie grinders free without passing any law. What is the big deal now? In Andhra and Kerala also the BPL families get rice at Re 1 a kg. With this bill the BPL families will be paying more for rice in these states.

I knew the Wife was in a fix and so I wandered into the kitchen and intervened. The Bill actually doesn’t deserve any discussion at any level. The Wife was just trying to humour poor Kuppamma and obviously was surprised by her simple logic!!!!

I:    The bill is still being debated. They will wait for Raja to come out of jail and consult him about how it is done in Tamil Nadu before passing it. Meanwhile I will talk to the corporator and see to it you get your rations.

K:   Thank you Anna.

A relieved Kuppamma then proceeded to do her chores.

Grandma’s tale

Jan Lokpal bill will create an independent ombudsman body called the Lokpal (protector of the people). It would be empowered to register and investigate complaints of corruption against politicians and bureaucrats without prior government approval. I got to discuss this Lokpal with my grandma (GM).

GM.      Son, what is this Lokpal?

I.          Grandma, Lokpal will be somebody selected to oversee the clean functioning of the Government, primarily to prevent pocketing of public money by corrupt officials.

GM.      Oh! You mean we will have somebody sitting on top of the elected representatives and the babus?

I.         Errr….grandma, in a sense yes.

GM.    How will the Lokpal do that?

I.        The Lokpal will be assisted by a Lokayukt in each state.

GM.     So there will be a sort of parallel authority.

I.      No Grandma, the Lok~ will not govern they will only wield the stick.

GM.   But son, I have used the stick on you many times, yet you have not grown into a gentleman. Even an ass does not care for the stick and goes after the carrot.

I.     These people who govern are supposed to be educated Grandma – learned chaps you know.

GM.   OK. Ok. But how will Lokpal function to locate the misdoings?

I.       Simple, Grandma. When something wrong is done somebody complains to Lokpal and she will get after the wrong doer.

GM.    Arrey! Now the job of the opposition will become simple.

I.       How?

GM.   Look here son, these days the opposition opposes all actions of the Government. Now they will just have to complain to the Lokpal to paralyse

Governance! Simple.

I.      Look here Gradma, it is not that simple….some investigations will be done by Lokpal.

GM.   Son, does that mean Lokpal will have an investigation agency of its own?

I.      Yes, Grandma.

GM.    You mean Lokpal will have a set up just like the government.

I.       Uh!!!  More or less…..

GM.  What a waste!

I.     No grandma. Look at the positives such as there will be no corruption. Whistle blowers will be protected at state’s expense. They will also be categorized from A-Z depending on threat perceptions et al, with so many witnesses coming up to make a living.

GM.   Then all politicians will join Lokpal and Lokayukt . Who will then fight the elections and form the government? What incentive will be there in the profession of politics?

I.    Oh Grandma….you are impossible and think nothing for the country….corruption is gnawing away at the Nation…and you do not understand. You want politicians to thrive!!!

GM.   Look here son, I have lived longer than you have; in my time came the CBI, CVC, CAG and I do not know what all with similar expectations and it seems none of these have delivered. How are you so sure that Lokpal will deliver and not paralyse governance all together? I know that there is no real governance even now as Lokpal has managed to paralyse the Government even at the stage of conceptualisation!!!! You see what I mean. The rupee is sliding, industrial output is at the lowest in the past five years, there is a squeeze in the availability of capital, inflation is at unacceptable levels, China is upping the ante in the neighborhood, Pakistan is cocking a snoop at US et al. But yes all this is due to corruption in the Government is it?

I.      Grandma you are so negative and think nothing of all the money these rulers are eating….

GM.    Son I have a better idea than Lokpal to achieve what you youngsters are hoping for - arrest corruption……

I.   Oh! Come off it grandma, now get back to your rocking chair and watch saas…….

GM.   (with a smile) That is exactly the problem…you chaps don’t want to listen and think your way is the only way…

I.   (irritatingly) OK. OK. Tell me about it…

GM.   Look here, this Lokpal and all that will be an autonomous extra constitutional body. It will be sort of an autocratic institution. Right?

I.     (hesitatingly) If you put it that way, yes sort of I suppose grandma.

GM.   Why have such complicated arrangements, which we are not even sure  will work, for an autocracy?

I.    I do not understand.

GM.  If autocracy is the answer, just for arguments’ sake, make Sonia Gandhi the queen of India and give her all the powers of the government and the Lokpal.

I.    Grandma!!!!! Have you gone mad?

GM.   Son, don’t get excited. In such an arrangement only one person (the Queen) will make money. She will ensure that nobody else makes money as besides being the autocratic ruler she will also have all the powers of the proposed Lokpal as well. If things do not work out with Lokpal in place who will we blame…in such a case we may have to introduce another bill for Janmahalokpal and so on……when the responsibility to govern and wield the stick is with the same individual (the Rani) she will ensure everybody else in the governance is not corrupt…and how much can one person make.

I.   Grandma….and all these days I thought you were dumb!!!!