Grandma letting out gas

“It is all gas and no substance”, I said to no one in particular while watching the prime time ‘panel’ discussions by experts on TV the other day. I had not reckoned my Grandma’s hearing prowess, among many other virtues; she was perched on the sofa within human earshot distance and knitting away furiously.

Grandma (G:): Putr, gas is the in thing...today’s economics is all about gas, grass and grease.

I:  Grandma, why are you always knitting? (I wanted to get away.)

G: (Even Houdini, if he were alive today, could not have got away from my determined Grandma) I will tell you; and then I will tell you about gas and grass and grease. TV bandh kar.(she ordered)

I:  “sigh”! (switching off the TV and remembering the adage “aa bhel muje mar”).

G:  Knitting has calming and stress relieving effects. Repetitive movements of knitting can create the same brain wave state as meditation known as knitation (she continued with a straight face) Knitting also improves flexibility and mobility of joints. Besides while knitting nonchalantly one is able to eavesdrop on what people around the house are saying. All this helps in old age.

I: But you are not old grandma. You don’t even have a single strand of white hair on your head, for whatever reason.

G: I know. I know...how I wish your grandpa were here. La’oreal came into our markets after he left.

I:  Oh! Grandma..did I upset you?

G:  No putr. You look so much like your grandpa when he was young...now I will tell you about gas. When we were young gas meant something else...mostly generated by older folks, especially on days following shaadis or such feasts.

I:  Grandma, no! no! no! not those sound bytes again!

G:  Listen son, I am serious now (putting on a grave countenance). Gas these days drives the economy besides vehicles, trains and planes in different forms. You see gas gives power. Using this analogy those seeking power let out gas when ever and where ever they can.

I:   Now I get the point, why Anna says Kejriwal may be seeking power.

G:  But son like “kante ko kante se nikalte hain, gas ko gas se ladna padta hain”.

I: But grandma with so much gas going around why is the government raising the price of gas?

G:  What a silly question? Don’t you understand? Higher the price more the value! So indirectly the government is increasing the price of power....in whatever form! You see grass fields were converted to gas fields and sold to those who had grease.All for power!!!!!

I: Great grandma! But Grandma are you not a aam aadmi?

G: Why do you ask putr?

I:  You understand so much and lot of others don’t. so......

G: (cutting me short..) Son, I am not a aam admi. Iam a aam aurath, who understands everything better; to perpetuate ignorance the powers that me only talk about aam aadmi and not about aam aurath.

I:  But the with sniaji and sushmaji and meeraji and didiji I and behenji and ammaji, I thought aam aurath had arrived.

G:  Son. Yes. They should have...but you see, somewhere along the way power adds the M factor and they all become Maam aurath.

Mom: (from the kitchen). Putr gas katam honewala hain...zara book karde!

This and that: sense and sensibilities II

There is a saying that “empty vessels make the most sound”...

It is the Indian way. Be it music, politics, humor, movies, a brawl, discussion (on TV and otherwise) or anything else it is loud and colourful while being less appealing to the senses and tickling the sensibilities. We see a sense for drama in all activities. The usually reticent MMS, PM of India, addresses the Nation on serious matters and says during his speech “money does not grow on trees...”. To this a CM (Modi N.) retorts “for the congress money grows on 2G and coal....” or words to that effect...both irresponsible and theatrical utterances, trivialising matters to nonsensical depths. In the rhetoric the purpose is lost intentionally and unintentionally.

But noise creation is in the gene of an Indian. His Gods revel in noise. Last evening as I returned home from office, I encountered a traffic hold up on a road which was a one way path precisely to prevent such hold ups. Vehicles were seen coming from the direction of no go. The procession of vehicles - cars, tractors et al - were accompanied by bands playing a cacophony of tunes from the latest movies. People were dancing on the roads in frenzy normally attributable to inebriation. Majestically perched on the tractor was an idol of Lord Ganesha being taken for the immersion. Who can grudge Lord Vigneswara the annual hold ups as he is instrumental in removing all vignam (obstruction) in our lives for the next year....but couldn’t we do with some less noise?

Most of us work in the extremes. If it is not a loud mouth interaction we indulge in small talk and skip the functional topics. This happens exactly in our debates and discussions aired on live TV. The discussions seem to be for the sake of discussions....but for a change last night there were two discussion which I felt were refreshing...one anchor was alternately airing an MLA from a particular National party leading a ‘Rajhdani’ rail roko agitation and irate passengers (aam adhmi?) expressing their ire. The spokesperson form that particular party was visibly embarrassed when asked “do you support this?” He of course was initially evasive but finally had to concede that the ‘the law must take its own course” in such matters! The second was by another channel about the killing of a democratically elected panchayat member in the Kashmir Valley. The panelist from the two major parties and one sympathiser from a minor party in the Valley had to admit that militancy controlled from Pakistan was still rampant in the Valley! In both cases there was something appealing to the senses rather than tickling the sensibilities.

Just sound bites will not fill the pot...we will remain hungry as long as the pot is empty...