Grandma letting out gas

“It is all gas and no substance”, I said to no one in particular while watching the prime time ‘panel’ discussions by experts on TV the other day. I had not reckoned my Grandma’s hearing prowess, among many other virtues; she was perched on the sofa within human earshot distance and knitting away furiously.

Grandma (G:): Putr, gas is the in thing...today’s economics is all about gas, grass and grease.

I:  Grandma, why are you always knitting? (I wanted to get away.)

G: (Even Houdini, if he were alive today, could not have got away from my determined Grandma) I will tell you; and then I will tell you about gas and grass and grease. TV bandh kar.(she ordered)

I:  “sigh”! (switching off the TV and remembering the adage “aa bhel muje mar”).

G:  Knitting has calming and stress relieving effects. Repetitive movements of knitting can create the same brain wave state as meditation known as knitation (she continued with a straight face) Knitting also improves flexibility and mobility of joints. Besides while knitting nonchalantly one is able to eavesdrop on what people around the house are saying. All this helps in old age.

I: But you are not old grandma. You don’t even have a single strand of white hair on your head, for whatever reason.

G: I know. I know...how I wish your grandpa were here. La’oreal came into our markets after he left.

I:  Oh! Grandma..did I upset you?

G:  No putr. You look so much like your grandpa when he was young...now I will tell you about gas. When we were young gas meant something else...mostly generated by older folks, especially on days following shaadis or such feasts.

I:  Grandma, no! no! no! not those sound bytes again!

G:  Listen son, I am serious now (putting on a grave countenance). Gas these days drives the economy besides vehicles, trains and planes in different forms. You see gas gives power. Using this analogy those seeking power let out gas when ever and where ever they can.

I:   Now I get the point, why Anna says Kejriwal may be seeking power.

G:  But son like “kante ko kante se nikalte hain, gas ko gas se ladna padta hain”.

I: But grandma with so much gas going around why is the government raising the price of gas?

G:  What a silly question? Don’t you understand? Higher the price more the value! So indirectly the government is increasing the price of power....in whatever form! You see grass fields were converted to gas fields and sold to those who had grease.All for power!!!!!

I: Great grandma! But Grandma are you not a aam aadmi?

G: Why do you ask putr?

I:  You understand so much and lot of others don’t. so......

G: (cutting me short..) Son, I am not a aam admi. Iam a aam aurath, who understands everything better; to perpetuate ignorance the powers that me only talk about aam aadmi and not about aam aurath.

I:  But the with sniaji and sushmaji and meeraji and didiji I and behenji and ammaji, I thought aam aurath had arrived.

G:  Son. Yes. They should have...but you see, somewhere along the way power adds the M factor and they all become Maam aurath.

Mom: (from the kitchen). Putr gas katam honewala hain...zara book karde!